Processing Church or Religious Trauma
Have you ever been at church, had a lot on your heart and mind, wondered if you should share or not, tried, then felt dismissed? Or have you experienced some form of trauma or abuse from the church or religion that has caused you to wonder, “Do I go back? What do I believe? What am I supposed to do?”
What is Church Trauma and/or Religious Trauma?
The Religious Trauma Institute states that an adverse religious experience is an event that “exploits someone’s emotional, physical, and psychological well-being.” In other words, when we experience religious and church trauma, it causes harm to our nervous systems and overall well-being. In fact, a Canadian physician named Dr. Gabor Mate who has devoted much of his life to studying the effects of trauma, stated that trauma causes the loss of relationship with self. So when we experience a religious and church traumatic event, arguably we lose connection with our own spirit.That feels incredibly significant.
How Do I Recognize Church Trauma and/or Religious Trauma?
Believe it or not, there is no set criteria for what can constitute as trauma. It is usually defined as any disturbing experience that results in significantly disruptive feelings that negatively effect a person’s attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning. So, what is traumatic for you may not be traumatic for me and vice-versa. For example, when I recounted a traumatic event that I experienced as a child to my twin (he was also present for the event), he recalled nothing of note. All that to say, church and religious trauma can show up in numerous ways and haven different contexts. According to the Religious Trauma Institute, the following are just a few examples of what can lead to religious trauma:
Sexual abuse by a priest, pastor, or other church leader
Emotional harm, including being told being gay is unforgivable
The experience that your every move is being watched
Purity Culture around sexuality and the subsequent shame for not meeting standards or the confusion of meeting standards and having subsequent sexual difficulty
Turning over financial statements over to church leadership
In addition, you may have felt a gut feeling that something feels off about a a spiritual or religious aspect of your church community, around a request from a church leader that feels intrusive, or even concerning a belief that feels overly controlling. There may be part of you that has always wondered about that and then another part that has tried to invalidate you and tell you that you are that one that is crazy for thinking that anything you heard was wrong.
How Do I Begin Recovery from Church Trauma and/or Religious Trauma?
Ah! This is a good question. Here are a couple of ways to look at it.
First, there is the cognitive aspect. Look at definitions and examples, listen to podcasts, and then begin to trace how your church trauma has impacted your current functioning. As you get older, you may reflect back and start seeing the underbelly of some negative experiences or messaging, etc, and see how that has negatively impacted you now.
The second part is to see what your body communicates to you. If you think of church, religion, or God and you notice your body responding by tensing up, heart pounding, thoughts racing, etc, your body may be telling you most likely experienced something traumatic that needs to be processed. You may or may not know what your body is telling you, but as you begin to process and unpack the layers, those memories may make themselves known allowing for healing to occur.
Seeking Healing and Support:
So, what do I do next? If any of this resonates with you or if you feel shut down, closed off, or have resentment toward church, religion, or God, and you are tired of feeling that way, perhaps seeking some help is the best next step. Choosing to talk to a safe person, whether that be a friend, family member, or professional, is a huge first step because being open about a traumatic experience begins to reduce the shame allowing for healing to begin.
If you believe that being part of a small group with people who may have similar stories would be advantageous, you may consider our Church Trauma Group. This 6-week closed group is designed to help you release unwanted emotional energy and begin your healing journey. While it involves hard work, the short-term pain promises long-term gain and is worth the fight.
This Post Written By:
Houston Hough, LAC – Journeys Counseling Center
6516 S. Rural Road, Suite 101
Tempe, Arizona 85283
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 16
Email: houston@journeyscounselingaz.com
