Navigating Non-Verbal Communication in Relationships
"It's not what you said, it’s the way you said it"
This familiar phrase captures the essence of the intricate dance of communication, where words, tone, and unspoken cues intertwine. Your tone of voice is a powerful communicator of emotions and intentions. Let's explore the intricacies of implicit communication, understand its impact on relationships, and discover how to navigate and transform it for healthier interactions.
What is Implicit vs. Explicit Communication?
Explicit Communication: Stating the Obvious
Explicit communication refers to the literal words we use—the "text" of our message, if you will. The message is direct and clear, leaving little room for interpretation.
Implicit Communication: The Unspoken Language
On the flip side, implicit communication operates in the realm of the unspoken. It can be your tone, body language, and subtle cues that convey messages beyond the literal meaning of words—the “subtext” that has you reading in between the lines.
Implicit Communication Examples
Imagine yourself talking with your partner and you ask, "Did you do the dishes?" The explicit communication here is the actual question being asked and you're seeking a specific response. Now imagine asking that same question but with:
An angry tone...
A skeptical tone...
An anxious tone...
A loving tone...
You may be using the exact same explicit words, but now the message means something different. Each tone conveys a different sub-textual message. For example, these different tones could mean:
Angry —> "I am mad at you."
Skeptical —> "I did not expect you to do what I asked."
Anxious —> "I am stressed or worried."
Loving —> "I am willing to give you some grace."
Why Being Aware of Non-Verbals Matter
Understanding that your communication is more than just the literal words you are saying is crucial. Often, conflicts arise not just from what is explicitly being said, but from the implicit messages underneath them. Recognizing these nuances enables you to navigate conversations more effectively.
When We Aren’t Fully Aware, Things Can Get Messy
Our tone of voice serves as a subtle yet powerful indicator of our underlying emotions, sometimes revealing feelings we may not even be fully aware of. Communication with our partner can quickly become messy and confusing when our non-verbals are sending messages that are we are not fully conscious of.
Regular self-reflection helps address our underlying feelings that influence our communication and minimize unintended miscommunications. Understanding your true emotions behind your non-verbals enables you to convey messages more authentically.
Complexities in Misinterpretations
And that complexity compounds if/when our partners interprets our implicit signals inaccurately. Misinterpretations escalate if our partners project their own emotions onto our explicit messages.
For example, you may have had no negative feelings when you asked your partner if they did the dishes, but if they have a family history of being shamed for not finishing their chores in a timely manner, your partner may then assume you are doing the same. And if they assume you are shaming them like their family used to, then it’s way more likely for them to respond in a defensive manner. This projection adds a layer of complexity to communication, as personal feelings get confused with the intended message.
Understanding how each person shows and interprets non-verbals can foster healthier communication and reducing the likelihood of conflicts escalating because of misinterpretations. Talking openly with one another about both of your sensitivities and patterns in communication can help you and your partner stay on the same page even when things start to get more emotional.
Changing Your Implicit Communication
While modifying how you say something is extremely helpful, the real game-changer is altering the difficult thoughts and emotions you have about the other person that may be leading you to use negative tones. Here are some things that can help:
Mindful Reflection:
Before responding, take a moment to reflect on your emotions and thoughts. This self-awareness allows you to identify potential negativity before it influences your tone.
Choose Empathy:
Opt for an empathetic mindset. Consider the feelings and perspectives of the person you're communicating with. This can reshape your subtext and lead to a more positive tone.
Positive Framing:
Frame your thoughts to try and make them more neutral/factual, if not positive. And see if you can switch out of a “me against you” mindset and into an “us against the problem” mindset. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on finding solutions or expressing your needs constructively.
Effective Stress Management:
If anxiety or anger are influencing your tone, you can use stress management techniques. Whether it's deep breathing, grounding, or mindfulness exercises, these practices can help you maintain a calm and composed demeanor.
Elevate Your Communication
Your tone of voice is a powerful tool that shapes your relationships. By altering your implicit communication through mindful reflection, empathy, positive framing, and stress management, you can enhance the way you communicate. Remember, it's not just about altering your tone; it's about transforming the thoughts behind it.
This Post Written By:
Stephanie Otte, LPC – Journeys Counseling Center
6516 S. Rural Road, Suite 101
Tempe, Arizona 85283
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 22
Email: stephanie@journeyscounselingaz.com
