Emotional Neglect: Signs, Impact, and Healing
What is Emotional Neglect?
This is a good question. Emotional neglect is a concept that many struggle to understand. Have you ever reached out to someone, expressed your feelings, and received a response that left you feeling overlooked and unheard? This experience can lead to feelings of anger, pain, and shame. According to the National Library of Medicine, emotional neglect is “a failure to attend to the child’s emotional needs.”
Sadly, emotional neglect is common and can occur throughout our lives, starting in childhood.
Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Neglect: “Do I Have Emotional Neglect?”
Determining if you've experienced emotional neglect is crucial, as it impacts relationships and daily life. For instance, if you were enmeshed with your parents growing up—meaning they relied on you for emotional support rather than attending to your needs—you might struggle with emotional intimacy in your adult relationships. You might find it hard to handle emotional closeness or fear abandonment.
Emotional neglect can also manifest in simpler interactions. Imagine telling a parent or teacher about your bad day and being told to "move on." This can make you feel like a burden and reluctant to share your feelings with others.
Emotional neglect is often covert and can go unrecognized for years, making it even more challenging to address.
The Impact of Emotional Neglect on Relationships: “How Can Emotional Neglect Impact Me in My Relationships?”
Emotional neglect can create a fear of emotional intimacy and abandonment. In fact, I heard recently that romantic relationships bring up our childhood traumas because a romantic relationship is the closest thing we have that resembles our relationships with our parents and other major caregivers. Perhaps there is part of you that feels afraid your partner is “too much” or “too needy” and you want to run away from your relationship and/or there may be a part of you that fears you will be the one left in the dust. Either way, you experience this underlying gnawing sensation and hope that somehow some way it dissipates. Flies away. Leaves you for good. But it’s still there.
Healing from Emotional Neglect: “Is Emotional Neglect Fixable?”
Fixable? Yes, but arguably not in the traditional sense of the word. Addressing emotional neglect doesn’t mean these impacts will vanish completely. Instead, it's about understanding these parts of ourselves and learning to work with them. In other words, rather than continually hating those parts of us that seem to cause endless issues in our relationships, we can take the data from those parts, use that information to learn more about ourselves, and then use that to heal. Like other traumas we experience, this takes time and effort but I know the payoff is priceless.
Tools for Overcoming Emotional Neglect: “Are There Any Tools I Can Use Now to Help Myself When I Feel Emotionally Neglected?”
When you feel emotionally neglected, try asking yourself, “How can I appropriately care for myself in this moment?” This might involve deep breathing, allowing yourself to feel the discomfort, or discussing the incident with a trusted person. Most importantly, show yourself grace and compassion rather than judging and shaming yourself.
Next Steps for Recovery
If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Emotional neglect is common, but healing is possible. I believe if you choose to lean into the pain by working through it, you will make the pain work for you - not against you. I also believe finding an emotionally sound space and person/people is critical for the healing process so that the wound is seen, heard, appropriately explored, and sutured. Having a therapist as part of this process too can be critical so that you have an objective perspective and gain knowledge around the what and why.
In short, you are worth fighting for including the wounds that feel hopeless at times. But remember, you are worth the effort it takes to heal, and thriving from the inside out is achievable.
This Post Written By:
Houston Hough, LAC – Journeys Counseling Center
301 W. Warner Rd, Suite 133
Tempe, Arizona 85284
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 16
Email: houston@journeyscounselingaz.com
