One of my favorite things to do in session is hand out a feeling word list. I remember receiving one during my own personal counseling and thinking, “What is this?” I didn’t know what I was feeling, and I wasn’t sure why it was important. However, when something happens, one of the first things you can do is check in with yourself and start attaching language to the experience. Brene Brown, in Atlas of the Heart, says:

“Language shows us that naming an experience gives us the power of understanding and meaning.”

By doing this, you can begin to know yourself and others better, and others have the chance to know you better, too. It’s the first step in building connections—not just with others, but also with yourself.

So, how do you actually identify your emotions? Here are some practical steps:

Step 1: How to Identify Your Emotions

Check the feeling word list and eliminate options by category. Then, read through the column and determine the intensity of the feeling. Feelings on this list typically range from least to most intense. Take time to read through the list when you can focus without distractions. Notice how a particular word resonates with you and whether it fits your experience. If it doesn’t seem to match, that’s okay—take another look. Sometimes you may have multiple feelings about one event. Once you know what you’re feeling, the next step is to ask…

Step 2: What Do I Need Based on My Emotions?

Given how you’re feeling, what is the need? This step can be tricky and might overlap with feelings, requests, or boundaries. Some examples might include:

I need to feel valued.
I need some downtime.
I need space to express myself.

Once you start to identify your needs, it’s time to check in and see if there are any requests or boundaries that need to be set internally or with others.

Step 3: Setting Boundaries Based on Your Emotions

Considering both your feelings and needs, determine if a request or boundary needs to be set with yourself or others. Sometimes we need to set a limit with ourselves, and other times with another person. If it’s a boundary with yourself, check if you are underdoing or overdoing in this area. If it’s with someone else, be calm and clear about your boundary, and give them space to respond.

This process takes time, so don’t be discouraged if it feels stiff at first—you’re allowed to practice.

FAQ: Understanding and Identifying Emotions

Q: Why is it important to identify my emotions?

A: Identifying your emotions helps you understand your needs, improve relationships, and build emotional intelligence.

Q: How can I become more aware of my emotions?

A: Regularly checking in with yourself, using tools like a feeling word list, and reflecting on your experiences can increase emotional awareness.

What Am I Feeling? A Guide to Identifying Emotions