Overcoming Perfectionism
Have you ever thought, “Oh, that‘s not good enough! I need to do more! I need to review this for the millionth time because it’s not perfect enough?” Or maybe there’s a small voice inside your head constantly urging you to do better. If this sounds familiar, keep reading to explore what causes perfectionism and how you can manage it effectively.
What is Perfectionism and Why Do We Struggle with It?
Perfectionism is described by Psychology Today as “a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or tasks.” This perfectionist personality pushes us to set impossibly high standards for ourselves, turning perfectionism into a moving target we rarely hit. More often than not, we don’t meet those standards and then we feel perpetually unsatisfied.
As humans, we are inherently imperfect. Many of us use perfectionism as a shield or wall to protect ourselves from vulnerability. It’s a way to manage our image so that no one has to know what is happening inside. How many times have you thought, “If they truly knew me they would be out of my life?” Embracing our imperfections can be challenging and humbling, but it’s essential for living authentically.
Recognizing Perfectionism in Yourself
Take a deep breath. Take another one. Now, observe your internal dialogue. Do you hear that voice urging you to “Make more money! Get fitter! Work harder!”? That, my friend, is your Inner Critic, and it’s relentless. It usually communicates with you 24/7, 365, and does not believe in PTO, holidays, and sick leave. After all, it has to be “perfect.”
Strategies to Manage and Overcome Perfectionism
Here’s the deal. Perfectionism isn’t just going to just magically go away. As nice as that would be, it just won’t. But I think there are ways to have perfectionism work for you.
Listen and Learn: Pay attention to your Inner Critic. What is it telling you? For example, if you look in the mirror and hear, “Still not good enough,” recognize this as data. It reveals how your Inner Critic perceives you. Challenge these thoughts with positive affirmations: “I’m proud of my progress. I am amazing and beautiful as I am.” This shift in mindset can significantly improve your self-esteem.
View Perfectionism as a Part of You: By seeing perfectionism as just one part of yourself, you can gain a little more objectivity and control. Ask yourself, “What is my perfectionism trying to protect?” This perspective helps you act authentically rather than trying to live up to an impossible standard.
Embrace Compassion: Often, we view our perfectionist tendencies as “bad.” However, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems Therapy, suggests there are no bad parts of ourselves. Viewing the perfectionistic part of you with compassion can shift your attitude towards this part of yourself and help you integrate it into your life in a more balanced way.
Seeking Healing and Support
If you feel that perfectionism dominates your life, consider talking to a safe, objective person. Therapy can provide relief and help you regain control. Remember, you deserve to live as a human being who makes mistakes and has strengths, not someone driven solely by the need to be perfect.
FAQs about Perfectionism
Is perfectionism a mental disorder? While not classified as a standalone mental disorder, perfectionism is often associated with anxiety and stress.
What is the root cause of perfectionism? It can stem from various factors, including upbringing, personality traits, and societal pressures.
How to deal with a perfectionist person? Show empathy, encourage them to express their feelings, and gently suggest they seek professional support if perfectionism impacts their well-being.
By understanding and managing your perfectionism, you can start to live more authentically and less exhaustively. You are enough just as you are.
This Post Written By:
Houston Hough, LAC – Journeys Counseling Center
301 W. Warner Rd, Suite 133
Tempe, Arizona 85284
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 16
Email: houston@journeyscounselingaz.com
