Earlier this year, I had the privilege of attending a transformative training session with Dr. Peter Levine, the renowned founder of Somatic Experiencing Therapy. During the session, he guided me through a profound exercise where he encouraged me to close my eyes and repeat out loud, “I give myself permission to deeply relax.” At that moment, I experienced a significant release of tension throughout my entire body, a heightened sense of mindfulness, and thought, “Repeat this as many times as you need to let your body truly be.” This simple yet profound statement has had a lasting impact on my personal well-being. Whenever I affirm it to myself, my body feels rejuvenated and balanced.

So, why am I sharing this with you? I believe—based on my personal insights—that we often neglect to give ourselves permission. Instead, we frequently operate out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine self-permission. In essence, we tend to impose self-shoulds on ourselves 98% of the time.

Understanding the Role of Self-Permission in Personal Growth

Consider this scenario: You’re invited to a gathering by a close friend. You automatically respond, “Yes, of course, I’ll be there.” Shortly after, another part of you questions, “Why did I agree to this? What if I don’t want to go?” This internal conflict often follows. So, what’s the next step?

I truly believe that self-permission plays a crucial role in our decision-making process by allowing us to be fully present with our mind, heart, and soul. This way, we can make decisions based on holistic feelings rather than just one aspect of ourselves. In other words, self-permission helps align our entire being rather than creating internal dissonance.

The Importance of Body Congruency for Emotional Well-Being

Let’s revisit the party invitation scenario. After your automatic “yes,” you may reflect and think, “While this could be fun, I’m unsure if I actually want to attend.” With conflicting thoughts, you might experience various bodily responses. For instance, you might freeze or avoid addressing the internal conflict. As the event approaches, you might find yourself internally groaning, “I know I agreed to go, but now I’m dreading it. I feel obligated, but I really don’t want to.” The more this conflict escalates, the more you may numb yourself or escape the decision, making it feel more daunting.

What Does Body Congruency Look and Feel Like?

Instead of criticizing yourself for the internal conflict, what if you gave yourself permission to approach it with patience and self-compassion? For example, rather than saying, “I hate when I put myself in these situations,” you might say, “I give myself permission to acknowledge my frustration. I realize I’ve caused myself some discomfort, and I’m sorry for that. Moving forward, I choose to give myself a moment to consider [your next step] before making a decision.” Notice how this approach affects your body. Ideally, you might experience relief and a sense of inner peace, aligning your body and mind harmoniously.

Incorporating Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Techniques

DBT concept of using your Wise Mind is a combination of honoring your emotions and logic

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers valuable tools for altering behavior and improving emotional regulation. DBT emphasizes making decisions with both our emotional and rational minds, integrating them into what is termed the "wise mind." The wise mind uses insights from both emotions and logic to make well-rounded decisions, ensuring our body and mind are in harmony. This requires actively listening to both our emotional and rational sides, which can sometimes feel conflicting.

Self-Permission plays a crucial role here. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, you may find discomfort initially, but this practice helps you become more present with yourself. Emotions provide valuable information that shouldn’t be ignored. Additionally, giving yourself permission to consult your rational mind and then integrate both emotional and rational inputs can lead to more informed decisions.

What Permission Is Not: Clarifying Common Misconceptions

It’s important to clarify that permission isn’t meant to justify behavior. For example, if you’ve committed to a new diet starting January 1st but wake up on that day saying, “I give myself permission to skip today,” that’s not the intended use of permission. Permission should not be used to delay or justify actions or behaviors.

Practical Tips for Applying Self-Permission to Enhance Your Well-Being

I encourage you to practice giving yourself permission today—whether to rest, explore a new hobby, reconnect with an old friend, or simply align with your body’s needs. Pay attention to how your body responds and notice any positive changes. Embrace the benefits of self-permission and body congruency for enhanced personal well-being.

Marriage Counseling In Phoenix, Marriage Counseling Tucson AZ, Marriage Counseling In Tempe, Marriage Counseling Mesa AZ.jpg — ***This Post Written By:***

Houston Hough, LAC – Journeys Counseling Center
301 W. Warner Rd, Suite 133
Tempe, Arizona 85284
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 16
Email: houston@journeyscounselingaz.com

The Power of Self-Permission