When Mother’s Day Hurts: Coping with Grief, Estrangement, or Infertility
At first glance, Mother’s Day looks simple: a day to show love, say thank you, maybe gather for brunch. But as many of you already know, it’s not always that straightforward.
For some, it’s one of the hardest days of the year. It can bring a hollow kind of grief, or stir up memories and emotions you thought were quieter now. For others, it brings a complicated tangle of love, guilt, longing, or even anger. If that’s you—if Mother’s Day feels heavy, confusing, or even painful—you’re not alone in it. And you're not doing anything wrong by feeling what you're feeling.
At Journeys, we know that emotional experiences don’t fit neatly into holidays. Whether you’re mourning someone, navigating a strained relationship, or holding space for a hope that hasn’t yet been fulfilled—this day can touch a tender part of you.
So today, we want to pause with you and hold space for those experiences. Not to fix them or tidy them up, but just to say: we see you. Let’s talk gently about what this day can bring up—and how to care for yourself through it.
When You’re Grieving:
If you’re grieving the loss of your mother, a child, or a maternal figure, Mother’s Day can feel like a sharp contrast between what’s celebrated and what’s actually happening inside you. The commercials, the posts, the well-meaning “Happy Mother’s Day!” greetings—they can all hit unexpectedly.
Maybe you find yourself wanting to retreat. Or maybe you feel the urge to go through the motions for others while something inside feels numb or raw. All of that is okay.
Grief is not linear, and it doesn’t need to look a certain way to be real.
Some people share that they feel like they “should be past it” by now—especially if a loss happened years ago. But loss has a way of living inside us. Anniversaries and holidays often stir that up again, sometimes in ways we don’t expect. That doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning. It just means you’re human.
If this is a season of grief for you, we invite you to:
Allow the wave of emotion to rise without trying to suppress it
Choose quiet or solitude if that’s what you need
Create a small ritual of remembrance, like lighting a candle or writing a letter
Talk about your loved one, if and when you’re ready
You're not alone in missing someone deeply, and you're not wrong to need more time, more space, or more support.
When Your Relationship is Complicated:
Not every mother-child relationship is healthy or safe. Some are filled with hurt, disappointment, or silence. Others carry decades of unmet needs, misunderstood intentions, or emotional distance. And some are simply absent altogether—by choice, by necessity, or by circumstance.
If your relationship with your mother (or your child) is complicated or painful, it’s normal to feel conflicted on a day like this. You might feel angry and sad. You might feel nothing and then feel guilty for feeling nothing. You might wish for something better while also knowing you can’t—or won’t—go back.
These relationships are hard to talk about, especially in a culture that tends to idealize motherhood. But you deserve a space to talk about them. You deserve to feel your truth and not apologize for it.
This might be a time to:
Notice what your body is telling you and tend to that
Reaffirm boundaries that keep you emotionally safe
Talk to someone you trust about the full picture—not just the socially acceptable parts
Write (even if you don’t share) what you wish you could say
No matter the story, complicated relationships are still relationships. And your response to them is worthy of care and support.
When You’re Longing for Parenthood:
Some of the most profound pain around Mother’s Day comes from the absence of something deeply hoped for. If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, struggled with infertility, or are navigating paths to parenthood that are filled with waiting, this holiday can feel isolating.
It can be painful to see what others have when your arms feel empty. It’s painful to be asked, “When are you having kids?” or to hear assumptions about what you should be celebrating.
You may be carrying silent grief—grief for the child you imagined, the pregnancy that ended, or the life you thought you’d be living by now. That grief is real, even if others don’t always see it.
Some ways to care for yourself in this space might include:
Allowing yourself to avoid celebrations or social media for a while
Connecting with someone else who understands the journey
Giving your experience a name and space—it's not “silly,” “dramatic,” or “too much”
Reminding yourself that hope and pain can live side by side
If this is the story you’re living, please know that your longing doesn’t go unnoticed here. It’s held with tenderness and respect.
Final Thoughts
There’s no single “right way” to move through a hard day. But one thing we know from walking alongside many of you is this: it’s easier when you don’t do it alone.
Maybe this is a weekend to slow down. Maybe you need to talk it out. Maybe you just need someone to say, “That makes sense,” and mean it.
We hope you feel safe enough to reach out—whether in a session, in a journal, or even in a quiet moment with yourself.
Because whatever this day brings up for you…
You belong. You’re not broken. And your story is allowed to take up space.
