Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Usually Stick
“New Year, New Me!”
“Welcome to the best year of your life!”
“Run Head First into 2024!”
“2024 - Let’s Go!”
These slogans, and myriad variations on the same theme, tend to saturate our world at the start of a new year. As a society, we tend to view this time of year as the time to jump start commitments to personal growth and change. On the surface, that’s not a bad thing, right? Except, it tends not to work. In fact, inability to follow through or stick with New Year’s resolutions often leads to increased levels of shame, guilt, frustration, and self-criticism, leaving people feeling worse about themselves and about life in general than they did to start.
So, what’s going on? Why do we seem to fall into this same pattern year after year?
Why New Year's Resolutions Fail
One of the primary reasons is that many New Year’s resolutions are self-criticism dressed up as self-improvement (as stated by Melissa Hirsch of the New York Times). We make these goals/resolutions/ intentions as a way to try to quiet the inner critic that’s intent on pointing out all the ways we’re falling short. If only…
My body was thinner/fitter
I ate all organic/clean
My savings account was bigger
My closet was organized
I got my kids on a better schedule
If only… then I could finally believe I was worthy. I would know I was enough.
This is the year that I will finally be able to feel good about myself.
And therein lies the trap. We so often start the new year not just attempting to change behavior or habits, but instead trying to create an internal sense of worthiness. We think that by somehow attaining the body we see in the Instagram post, getting our bank account to the number touted on the latest money management podcast, stocking our pantries and fridges with wellness industry approved foods and supplements, we will finally have a way to alleviate that nagging sense deep in our souls that everyone else is living a better life than we are. But research has clearly shown that change motivated by shame and self-criticism is simply not sustainable.
So How Do We Change the Pattern?
We start by being kind to ourselves. We work on separating out the idea or “performance” from “personhood”. We challenge ourselves to get out of all or nothing thinking and into more flexible ways of relating to ourselves . For many of us, these are difficult changes to make. A lifetime of motivating ourselves via shame is a hard habit to unlearn. But it’s possible! If you’re looking for some resources to help you start this new year differently, check out:
Additionally, it can be helpful to talk with a therapist when you feel stuck in patterns and habits that are difficult to break. You may have learned strategies for coping early on in life that no longer serve you but are rooted in unresolved trauma and, therefore, are difficult to change without support. Therapy can be a great resource for addressing these issues.
As you start this new year, know that it’s ok to say no to the “new year, new me” energy all around you. You are enough just as you are! If there are goals or habits you’re wanting to develop in 2024, know that it’s ok to go at things slowly. You will have good days and hard days. Lasting change takes time, so be gentle with yourself. You are perfectly worthy of love and connection regardless!
This Post Written By:
Vanessa Van Dyke, MA, LPC – Journeys Counseling Center
6516 S. Rural Road, Suite 101
Tempe, Arizona 85283
Phone: (480) 656-0500 x 19
Email: vanessa@journeyscounselingaz.com
